Haku? What? This is not tech-related but this is my blog so I guess I get to post whatever I want. But you’ll understand later on why it is still somewhat related.
Haku is my puppy. He was.
Today, June 8, 2020, I had him adopted by a friend. That’s the only choice I had, and it breaks my heart.
When I started working a few years back, I’ve been living all by myself. I guess I just got used to being alone, until this Pandemic. Being alone and being not able to go outside for a week or two is a different thing. And living in a four-cornered dungeon would probably make you insane.
So I decided to get a puppy to cope with all the loneliness and anxiety. I already knew the no-pets rule in our place but I dared to snuck him in. Whenever we go to the vet, I always put him inside a paper bag so no one would find out. We were always like partners in crime. But after almost 2 months, I heard a knock on my door, asking me to get rid of him. I knew this day would come, yet I still did dare to have him. But I never knew that it would be this painful.
I called in sick for work today, and I’m not sure if I can still function mentally tomorrow.
He was there when I prepared for my AZ-301 examination. I was always focused on studying, and there he went, trying to bug me up. He always wanted to play fetch with his favorite tennis ball during my study time. I always play mellow music whenever I study, and he always sleeps on the floor, by my side. And on the day of the exam, I almost forfeited my exam because he was too hyper and was always barking. He was also playing with the extension wire of my power outlet where my laptop was plugged in, and I have to make sure that I am always in the video frame of my laptop as it was a proctored online exam. Man, that was an exam I will not surely forget.
I am currently studying for AZ-300, and as always, when he was still here, he still bugged me up that I ended up playing with him in the middle of the night. But when I’m going to take the exam in a few weeks, it’s going to be different. He’s not going to be there to sabotage my exam. And it pains me that it’s not going to happen anymore.
This is my weakness, I am weak at goodbyes. I am just broken hearted right now, and yes, I died a little bit inside.
Haku,
After I bid farewell, I never wanted to go back home because I know I won’t see you there. When I got back home, the first thing I did was call your name. But you never answered. It just crushed my heart that whenever I try to call your name, you never show up. Whenever I see a corner in my room, I always see you lying around, or chewing with your toys. When I look at the window, you’re not there peeking outside, the bigger world you deserve. Haku, I told you not to leave your hooman because it’s going to break my heart. And it did, badly.
I miss giving you kisses. I miss it when you sleep in my arms as I swing you around. I miss it when you bite my feet until they bleed. I miss cleaning your poop on the floor. I miss scolding at you. I miss your barfs and sneezes. I miss your weird sleeping positions. I miss commanding you to behave. I miss poking on your sweaty nose and cushion paws. I miss buying things for you at the grocery and wishing that when I get back, you will really like them. I miss it that when I’m cooking and you are just lying on the floor, making my foot as your pillow, and waiting for me to finish cooking. I miss that when I open the fridge, you always want to go inside. I miss your pee-like smell. I miss it when you destroy the sofa. I miss every early morning that you wake me up and ask for food. I miss feeding you with your favorite spaghetti. I miss giving you morning belly rubs and watch you giggle.
Haku, please know that your hooman will always be here.
I love you so much to eternity,
Hooman